5 Ways To Find Mommy Time
even if you have no time, help or money
I am sure you can relate when you have one of those days when all that you want it 10 minutes of peace, 10 minutes of mommy time. You would have thought that a mere 10 minutes out of 1440 in a day would be fairly easy to come about, why is it that we find it so hard then?
Well, for starters there is the practicality of it all when you have kids you can’t just up and leave, and leave them to it so that you can take a break, unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. I suppose you could just leave them but that could end up with your kids going into care at the worst or coming back to a home that looks like the Tasmanian Devil has been partying hard there all day.
Next, there is always something that needs doing. There is always something else on that darn never-ending to-do list! Which makes mommy time a lower priority but really it shouldn’t be!
And finally there is guilt, yep, ridiculous isn’t it. You finally get 10 minutes to yourself and what do you do? Make mental checklists of what else needs doing for the day, worry about whether whoever is looking after the kids can cope with situation x, y and z and before you know it your precious mommy time has evaporated yet again.
When my son was a baby, my husband worked away from home a lot. So it was just me and the boy. We had no family or close friends nearby, so no support network plus living in a foreign country where my language skills were pretty basic. Back then, “mommy time” was crucial, I think I would have gone off the rails if I hadn’t made an effort to carve out some time just for me.
I am so grateful to a friend who told me from the offset that I MUST carve time out for me.
Here are five tips that kept me sane then and some I still use now:
I am sure I don’t need to rave on about the benefits of yoga and meditation and even if that whole thing just isn’t your cup of tea, taking time to clear your lungs of old breath and your mind of the clutter will help you feel more relaxed. The great thing is, that you can do this virtually anywhere, maybe not when you are driving the car though. Sit comfortably, with your back straight, close your eyes and breath.
Just concentrate on your breaths, make them deep and slow. You can do this 5 times each time you go to the toilet or if your little one has just gone down for a nap, do this before you put the kettle on or tackle any jobs. Do it just before you get out of bed in the morning and before you shut off for the night. I can’t guarantee that it will give you the ability to spout wise quotes like Buddha but, it will make you feel calmer inside and out.
If your to-do lists have to-do lists and your head feels like it is going to explode, then do a brain dump. Grab a pen and paper and maybe a cuppa too, then just write down EVERYTHING that is going through your head. It doesn’t have to be pretty, or in order just get it all out.
Once you have dumped out everything then pick out the 3 most important things, focus on those and forget the rest for now. As a creative person, I often suffer from inspiration overload and brain dumps really do help me focus on what I need to get done.
As an entrepreneur mom this is a daily practice that I can’t live without. If I didn’t do this then when it came to my mommy time, I wouldn’t be able to relax and enjoy it because of all the noise in my head.
To quote Marie Forleo “If it’s not on the schedule, it doesn’t exist”. It is true, I know your partner is probably working hard to provide for your family and you may be working too but you can’t tell me that sitting in an office is anywhere like the stress of looking after kids! Your partner needs a break from the office and you need a break from the kids. I see a perfect solution…
Partner takes the kids for a couple of hours of say pure ‘daddy time‘ and you get a bit of pure ‘mommy time‘. The kids get to spend some quality time with ‘the other parent’ and you get to do whatever the heck you like!
I strongly recommend talking this through with your partner, explain that you need some time off to keep your sanity and that the kids need to bond with him. Then, together decide a time each week where you get a couple of hours off, write it on your calendar or schedule or wherever you keep all your family coming and goings and stick to it. Once you have your downtime, don’t waste it on ironing shirts or scrubbing the bath, go out and have coffee with a friend, take a walk, mooch around the shops, whatever takes your fancy!
The upside of this is that it will be a friendly reminder to your partner on what it is like looking after the kids solo, some equate it to herding cats, let him be the judge of that. There is nothing like forcing someone into your own boots to garner appreciation for all that you do! I’m still milking the 2 weeks I left my hubby alone with our boy when I had to go back to look after my mom!
Take up a hobby or pick up an old one, promise yourself that once the kids are in bed you are going to do an hours knitting or 30 minutes of scrapbooking, a 50 minute DVD workout or whatever it is that lights your fire. This means that at the end of the day when are you are usually exhausted, you will have a bit of something to look forward to.
Again, block it off in your schedule to make it happen, believe me, the laundry/dishes/dusting can wait. You need to fill up your own cup so that you can take care of everyone else.
This is good for the kids too, it’s a great example for them to see you working on your own passions and interests.
This doesn’t have to be a spa weekend, although that would be lovely!
Just taking a little time each day to look after yourself. Put in a fancy hair pin, even if you are planning on staying home all day, a splash of perfume can really change your mood or maybe an extra long soak in the tub. I think it is easy to neglect ourselves when we are spending so much time looking after everyone else.
And when we become moms it is easy to fall into that yoga pants, sloppy t-shirt, pony-tail uniform and neglect ourselves. So, do your hair, put on some lippy, buy yourself flowers, dance to that really bad 80’s pop that you love… do the things that make you happy, there is no need to stop just because you are a mom.
One of my end of the week rituals is that by 8.00pm, I am done. I turn off the computer, have a nice hot bath, pour myself a glass of wine and then do my nails whilst watching my latest Netflix obsession. Not quite as exciting or glamorous as my Friday evenings before child but it works for me!
So, now it is your turn. Tell me in the comments section below, one thing you plan to do for yourself today. It can be one of the above suggestions or one of your own, just share it in the comment section.
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